i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
