So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
