Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
