Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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