When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't shave. On purpose
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
