Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
