dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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