I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
