The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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