My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
