p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
