I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
