Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
