Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
