There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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