Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
