You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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