ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
