There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hippo gnu deer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
