when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
