I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
