you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
