This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
