dude i'm inner monologue high
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
