I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
