apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
