"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
