i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
