you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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