There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
