I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
