i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
