Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
