you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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