There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
