I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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