I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
