is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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