youre lurking in front of me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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