I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
