You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
