I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
