Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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