she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
