Just fell off a train. Bad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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