OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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