and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
