addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
