Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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