I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
