the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
