Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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