By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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