I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
