where am i from again
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
