Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
