So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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