Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
