just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
