he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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