I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
