YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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